Learning To Heal
by BregoArodShadowfax
Summary: He's not better; not yet.  But he's getting there.  Lithuania/Poland


**Title: **Learning to Heal

**Author: **AoiTsukikage

**Rating: **PG-13

**Characters/Pairing: **Lithuania/Poland

**Chapter: **1/1

**Word Count: 2910**

**Summary: **He's not better; not yet. But he's getting there.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them, of course. I just like to borrow characters and have my way with them before returning them to their rightful owner xP

**Learning to Heal**

Sometimes he still wakes up screaming.

It's foolish, he knows, because it has been over twenty years since the last time he was controlled by Russia, but there are times it feels like he still is; like if he wakes up and opens his eyes the other man will be in the room with him, and the scars on his back that will never heal start to burn like they were fresh again.

It's times like this he hates living alone, most of all. And his hand is halfway to the phone before he realizes how weak it would be of him to call, especially since he can hear the other man's reaction in his mind already: _Oh, my God, Liet, have you, like, checked the air pressure? Whenever a storm's coming it like totally drops and then I totally get all anxious and…_

So, no. He's not calling Poland, not now. He closes his eyes and tries to get back to sleep, trying not to think about endless winter and violet eyes and the sound of a whip stripping the flesh from his back.

000

He doesn't sleep well at all, and he's thinking the next morning that maybe a visit to Poland's house wouldn't be a bad idea. He's seen more of those walls than he has his own for the past two decades, but since Poland never complains (well, that's a lie, he complains constantly, but not about that) he's never felt unwelcome. And he's thought off-and-on about calling Latvia and Estonia, but the three of them had never had much in common besides their situations so he wasn't sure what good that would do him.

The number is dialed before he's quite sure what he's doing, and Poland picks up on the second ring, sounding cheerful as ever. "Like, oh, my God, Liet! What's up?"

"F-Feliks? Can I-can I come over?"

"Totally!" Poland is, as usual, completely oblivious to his inner pain, and he marvels at how just the sound of the blonde's voice can make him smile. "Like, it'll be awesome. I'll make you food and everything, cool?"

"Y-yeah. Great."

"Awesome! I'll like, totally see you soon!"

He hangs up before Lithuania can answer, but the brunette lowers the phone and sighs, throwing a few things into a suitcase (most of his things still seem to be at Poland's, after all) and heading out the front door.

000

"You're totally here!"

He's greeted by Poland throwing himself at him and he folds his arms around the little blonde, impulsively swinging him around to kill his momentum. "Hey, Feliks."

"Liet!"

Poland finally gets off of him and stands in the doorway, flipping his hair over his shoulder before his hand circles around Lithuania's wrist and he tugs him into the house.

"You're, like, just in time for lunch! I'm making perogies!"

"Sounds great," Lithuania says as he's dragged down the hall to the kitchen. "You're sure I'm not imposing, though?"

"Naw, you're, like, always welcome here. You know that, right?"

"I can't help but think you'd get annoyed by me…fairly constant presence," Lithuania shrugs.

"Whatev, Liet. I said you're always welcome and I totally meant it," Poland says breezily, rushing over to the refrigerator and beginning to dig ingredients out. Lithuania leans against the counter, observing the blonde carefully. He knows that there are still some rifts between the blonde and himself that have to be worked out; some would probably call it a lover's spat but he liked to think that the loss of his capital was a bit of a bigger deal than that. Regardless, after that and then with being under Russia for so long, it's really only in the past few years they've started to mend their relationship, and while Poland frequently seems to act like there's nothing wrong, he knows that they aren't yet as close as they were hundreds of years ago. If they were, he wouldn't still be at home riding out the nightmares by himself, but the truth is ever since he's been a free nation he hasn't shared Poland's bed.

He's not sure why, exactly, but he's doing his best to figure it out. After all, this would all be _much _easier if there was just somebody he could talk to about it.

"Liet? Hel-looo," Poland waves a hand in front of his face. "Like, you're totally spacing out on me! What's up?"

"Nothing," Lithuania shakes his head. "I'm just a little tired, I fear. I haven't been sleeping well."

"Like, duh! You're all alone in your place. Just move in with me," Poland turns back to the stove, and Lithuania notes that somewhere along the line he's managed to procure a frilly pink apron and is unashamedly wearing it.

"Oh, I…I wouldn't want to impose," Lithuania says, although his protest sounds feeble to his own ears.

"Well, whatever. Just, like, don't be afraid to come over when you're feeling low, kay?"

"Okay," Lithuania gives Poland a tremulous smile. "How long until lunch?"

"Not long," Poland says blithely, beginning to whistle under his breath as Lithuania excuses himself to seek out the washroom. He cleans his hands and stares in the mirror, seeing dark circles under his eyes and knowing that this 'not sleeping' thing is hitting him harder than he had originally thought. Poland was bound to notice…except, of course, that Poland was fairly oblivious at the best of times so hopefully he'd completely overlook it.

He comes back out and sits at the table, nodding in thanks as Poland sets the food down, and he tries not to think about how his stomach is churning as he eats and hopes he won't have to make a run for the washroom.

Luckily, Poland chatters so much that he has no need to say anything throughout the lunch, and afterward the little blonde drags him into the next room to watch some daytime soap operas (it would figure that he would be into that). Lithuania watches with vague interest; after all, how much "I'm sorry I slept with your sister's-cousin's-mother's-lover! It'll never happen again!"/"Oh, darling, I forgive you! Let's be together always!" could one take before it got a little old?

"Like, I totally love this show. Isn't it totally romantic?" Poland is grinning and Lithuania doesn't have the heart to disagree, so he merely nods distractedly, flinching when Poland scoots over and leans against him, leaving him no choice but to put his arm around the other nation and pull him closer.

Just like old times.

"Hey, Liet?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. Y'know, for watching with me. I know you totally can't get into this kinda stuff."

"No problem," Lithuania shrugs.

"We'll totally watch whatever you want next, kay?" Poland offers, and Lithuania closes his eyes and leans his head back on the sofa, really wanting nothing more than to go to sleep but not wanting to disappoint his friend.

"Alright," he finally concedes, finding a basketball game and watching it with veiled interest as Poland squirms beside him. He should have guessed that sports weren't high on the other nation's list, but Poland was, as usual, lacking in patience. "Feliks, if you don't wish to watch, you don't have to."

"Nah, it's fine. Like, I know basketball's totally big in your country," Poland shrugs. "I just, like, have no idea what's going on."

Lithuania sighs patiently and spends the next little while explaining the finer points of the game (he honestly could never play himself but, seeing as how his country loves it, he figures he should at least know a little) to the blonde, who nods and eventually settles more comfortably against him.

The game breaks for half-time and Poland looks at him curiously, raising a fine-boned hand to tuck some of his Lithuania's wavy hair behind his ear. "Hey, Toris?"

"Yes?" Lithuania is on guard, now, because Poland never calls him by name unless things are really serious.

"Why aren't you sleeping? Is it the nightmares?"

"Wh-who said anything about not sleeping?" Lithuania asks with a stilted laugh that he knows Poland will see through right away.

"Duh, you look horrible, Liet," Poland pokes his cheek and Lithuania irritably bats his hand away. "And honestly, if you didn't have nightmares, I'd think there was something wrong with you. You've been through a lot."

"It was a long time ago."

"That, like, totally doesn't matter," Poland shakes his head, blonde hair flipping into his eyes before he swipes it aside. "Besides, if somebody, like, did to me what Ivan did to you…"

"What did Ivan do to me?" Lithuania asks sharply, his voice rising a little, and Poland backs away.

"I just…I mean…"

"Feliks, don't lie," Lithuania sighs.

"Okay. Like, I saw you once…in the bathroom. The door was kinda open and I totally didn't know you were in there, so I just went to close it and…"

"Oh," Lithuania lets out a sigh. Truth be told, it's probably easier that Poland knows, because now he doesn't need to figure out a way to break the news to him.

"Sorry. I, like, should have told you sooner…"

"It's okay," Lithuania has lost all interest in the game by this point and clicks off the television, slumping against the sofa.

"Hey. Come with me!"

"Hmm?" Lithuania looks up at Poland, who is tugging on his hand, and lets the blonde lead him out of the house and to a waiting car. "Where are we going?"

"It's totally a surprise!"

And Lithuania knows he isn't going to get any more out of his friend, so he just decides to enjoy the ride.

000

Later on, they're lying in a rye field, Poland's head on his chest, and he looks up at the cloud-filled sky, a piece of the grass stuck lazily between his lips. "This is nice, huh?"

"Just like old times," he mutters around the rye before removing it so he can speak properly. "Why'd you bring me here, of all places?"

" 'Cuz, this is totally the place that reminds me the most of who we used to be. And…y'know…" Poland shrugs, looking away, and Lithuania _does, _in fact, know: it's also the first place they made love, all those years ago.

"Yes," he finally answers, and Poland nods against his chest and props himself up so he can look at the other nation.

"Anyway, I thought that maybe if you wanted to talk about the nightmares or whatever you'd feel better doing it in a place you loved?"

And that's surprisingly thoughtful for Poland…at least, the old Poland, but Lithuania supposed they'd all changed dramatically over the years. "Maybe."

"They're all, like, about Ivan, right?"

"Mostly," Lithuania concedes. "Most of the time I don't even remember why I'm so afraid; I just wake up in a cold sweat and my back aches and I feel petrified that somebody's going to take me away again. I guess all those years of constantly looking over my shoulder haven't left me yet."

"Poor Liet," Poland cocks his head to the side, his legs crossed at the ankles as he casually swings them up and down in a move that makes him look almost like a child again. "Anything else?"

"No. I just…I don't know who to turn to, anymore. You're the only one that's always been there for me…and I know that sometimes you probably felt I was just a burden, but…the fact is, we stayed together because we wanted to, whereas everybody else…"

"Tell me something," Poland interrupts him, and that apparently hasn't changed; the blonde gets bored _far _too easily. "I mean, I've talked to Eduard and Raivis, and while they don't necessarily _like _Ivan, they're not totally petrified of him the way you are. Like, did you…"

"I'm…older than they are. I couldn't let him hurt them; I felt it was my duty to protect them," Lithuania explains, realizing how noble and selfless that sounds. In truth, it wasn't really a conscious choice on his part, but rather something he did; there was also the rather ugly fact that Ivan happened to take a personal liking to him, but he tried not to think about why that was.

"So that's why you were the first one to get out? I mean, after…"

"Yeah. Not that anybody really realized I was…my own country again…" he glares slightly at Poland on this one although he can't blame him entirely; Russia had been so strong for so many years that he had no doubt the others were afraid of opposing the nation even if he'd fallen from glory.

"Like, I'm totally sorry about that! I…"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain anything," Lithuania settles his hands on the blonde's back and Poland quiets, lying back down again.

They don't speak anymore until the sun begins to set, and Poland takes his hand and leads him back to the car.

000

"Well, like, goodnight and all that," Poland stops at the door to the room Lithuania had stayed in for so long, and the brunette puts a hand on the door handle before steeling himself and pushing it open, his body freezing as he takes in the dark wood and the dark sheets and dark…always _so dark…_and…

"Hey, Liet? Toris?" Poland shakes his shoulder and he blinks, snapping out of the daze. "Woah, you're totally not fine. Um…you wanna sleep with me? I mean, in the same bed?"

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Like, no way! You're always welcome!"

Lithuania nods and goes to Poland's room, knowing the route by memory, before passing through the (dear God, it was _pink _now?) bedroom and entering the en suite, hands gripping the vanity as he tried to suppress his shivers.

By the time he gets himself under control and splashes some water on his face, grabbing the pajamas that Poland has thoughtfully left outside the door and changing, Poland is already in bed, staring at the ceiling as Lithuania cautiously slips in beside him.

"Hey."

"Hey, I think I should totally put some, like, neon pink glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling or something. That'd be totally awesome, right?"

"Yeah," Lithuania agrees, thinking back and realizing that, even though he hasn't thought about it all that much, Poland _has _been much nicer to him of late. He knows that the other nation has always liked him, but sometimes he had a strange way of showing it. But recently…he realizes with a start that it must have been since Poland had seen his back

Well. He doesn't want the other man's pity, exactly, but it feels kind of nice that somebody as apparently self-centered as Poland would think about his comfort in that kind of a situation.

"Hey, Liet? You're spacing out again," Poland waves a hand in front of his eyes and Lithuania turns, regarding his friend in the low light of the room, his hand coming up to brush back blonde strands of hair almost of its own accord.

He hasn't felt this way in years, but for whatever reason he finds himself leaning forward and brushing his lips to the other man's, barely lingering long enough for it to be called a kiss, but he's almost amazed to realize that, with Poland, it doesn't repulse him the way he thought it would.

"You sure?" Poland asks quietly, and Lithuania is almost tempted to tell him to stop being so nice, but instead he just kisses him again, more forcefully this time, and Poland responds, moving his arms around the brunette, leaving Lithuania to lose himself in the embrace until Poland's hands start creeping up the back of his shirt, and he pulls away with a gasp. "Hey, it's okay. I've totally seen them…"

"I…I know," Lithuania swallows noisily before tugging his shirt back down. "It's just…"

"Nah, it's okay. If you don't wanna, we don't have to," Poland gives him a somewhat encouraging smile, kissing him again. "So…how far are we…"

"I…" Lithuania speaks between kisses. "Can we just do this for…tonight?"

"Yeah, totally!" Poland sounds far too excited about merely kissing, but he keeps talking. "I've just really missed you, so I'll take whatever you'll give right now."

"Thank you, Feliks," Lithuania wraps his arms around the man and pulls him closer, the kisses turning heated as everything they used to do comes rushing back.

Both of them are rather tired, though, and soon their kisses are interrupted with yawns, and then pretty soon they're giggling about it like children. "Like, you're totally gonna fall asleep on me!"

"Mm, not," Lithuania yawns again and Poland pulls him closer.

"Go to sleep, Toris. I'll totally protect you from the nightmares."

"Hmm," Lithuania sighs, registering the use of his name again (a rarity coming from Poland, at least), and closes his eyes, hoping beyond hope that, for once, the nightmares will leave him be. "G'night, Feliks."

"Night, Liet."

Lithuania can feel Poland very gently stroking his back through the shirt, and for once the constant ache is bearable. He nuzzles his nose against Poland's shoulder and exhales, relaxing as much as he can.

He's not better; not entirely.

Not yet.

But he's getting there. And as he feels Poland's lips touch his forehead just before he falls asleep, he realizes that he's no longer afraid to ask for the other nation's help.

After all, he's pretty sure that, after everything, they're probably meant to be together.

And he's completely content with that.

**Notes: **First time writing these boys; and for whatever reason even though Hetalia is such a crack-y show most of the time, my fics about it are turning out mostly serious. Hmm.

That said, it was really fun to do, and leave me a comment/review/what-have-you on the way out if you're so inclined :)


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